Brian's regrets for the year 2008

1. Having ever studied political science and all the other forward-thinking classes at the UW, that allow me the inclusion to the notion that Barack Obama is not the savior of the world I have been looking for; but just another moderate politician. And, while he sure looks progressive compared with his predecessor, the important fact here is that only moderate politicians get elected to office in the US. I guess I will have to wait for that real revolution, although—at least for four years—I wont have to worry about my president anymore.

2. For thinking that I had found my dream job with Dr. Dan's Biodiesel. I should have known when I found that the company was dramatically in debt, being sued by another company, and unable to compete with the rest of the bio-diesel dealers in Washington. Moreover, I should have really known when Dr. Dan himself started showing signs that he was going to be hard to work with/for. I won't say any more here but, I had the skills, drive, and knowhow to help this guy to—at least—not have to worry about some of his business issues, or even fix them in some cases, and yet still he made the daily decision to be a fucking asshole. Good luck with the future Diesel Dan!!!

3. Not having tried out for bands. Not having formed my own band. Not having made more of my own music. Not having pushed more people to make music with me. I have been out of work for almost three months and I have had all this free time and still I have only written lame acoustic guitar shit. This is not music—it's for open mic's—and pretending to have issues that only I suffer from. I don't have any issues other than the fact that I can't find a job and am not in a rock band; using electrified instruments, being loud, jamming for no other reason other than its fun, endlessly thinking up lame band names, and making fun of acoustic singer song writers.

4. Watching too much TV. It started with Jeopardy; I had no problem liking a quiz show. And, then I found that I liked that damn Terminator show with the girl from Firefly. Then I found that Heroes was pretty damn good as well. Oh, yeah and that show with Christian Slater where his brain switches between family man and hit-man; that one is also alright. Who can I thank for this new time/brain sucking pastime. Well Netflix for being fucking slow and Hollywood video for having late fees, and raising their rental prices past five dollars, and for being owned my Mormons who don't deserve any of my damn money. Oh well, in February our antenna won't work and we don't have one of those damn digital boxes, and I will have a job so I can go out again instead of wasting time in front of the damn stupid box, smoking from the dumb pipe—wait Lost is coming back isn't it, time to get out the trusty dumb pipe!!!

5. Not pursuing any of my invention ideas. Seriously I think a guitar pick dispensing PEZ container with rock star caricature is money if I have ever heard the sound of money flowing in (whoosh)! Oh yeah, and the reflexology shoe inserts with different functions for each one is also gold. People will pay through their asses for happiness, and well being, and detoxification, and whatever other feeling I can create in a textured shoe insert. In case you don't know the foot is the gateway for communication with the body, seriously a foot massage is way more rewarding than a back massage. My other invention is a cell phone signal blocking device that can be placed in schools and businesses to block kids and their less mature adult counterparts from completely using their cell phones while in class, waiting in line at the post office, ordering coffee, and any other situation that could apply. Don't steal these people!

6. I regret not writing more. Seriously I have been complaining how journalism is dead and my degree is pretty much useless, but when it comes down to it—not doing a thing about it. It's not Journalism that's dead; more aptly its the daily newspapers, some forms of journalistic writing (see: music), and journalists being the watchdogs over government that appear to be losing ground. I can write and love doing it and know that the the money in writing is on the web; or better yet with personal web sites aimed at a certain subset of society. All I need is an idea (Ballard Living, Green Ideas, Everyday Activism), some well written content, and the ability to market myself, and I will make money. Advertisers are out there, and just waiting to be tapped.

7. Not having brewed my own beer. Fellow beer lovers, we should all be doing this, and the incentive not only lies in letting other people try out your home brewed goodness, but also in the notion that everyone I have ever talked to that brews their own beer has relayed that the people sampling their home brews say it's better than a lot of the micros out there. Fuck I could be drinking Brian's Chocolate Starfish Brown, or BK's Intercourse IPA, and my personal favorite: That Time of the Month Red. Seriously they would all be delicious and I could design my own labels; design ideas for the above three already come to mind: Think of a Starbucks like logo with the spread-eagle mermaid, yet sick, twisted, nasty, and comical.

8. This is the year when I could have started the novel I have been thinking about for almost four years. I have this constant narrative running through my brain and everything and everyone I come into contact with is morphing that narrative into a more cohesive idea to put into said novel. One of these days—hopefully soon—I will sit down at this very screen and start writing and not stop until the idea is seen through to its fullest (OK I will get up to poop and eat and then poop again). You should be excited about this notion as well because you all are in it; your names might not be the same but its unmistakably you, or even a bunch of you put into one, and since I care about and respect you all, you will be represented in a honorable fashion. To this I swear!

9. I regret that this list is not as funny as prior years list. In the past when I have compiled these things they are filled with humorous social commentary and funny rantings and ravings about my observations; albeit, this years list has a sense of foreboding to it that—while I am not totally comfortable with—I can honestly say it's just the way it came out. So for that, anyone that wasted the time to read past the first three entries of this list, I am truly sorry. My life has been one of uncertainty lately. Next year at this time I could be in Fort Collins, Colorado, or I could be in Portland, or even right her in the first city I loved: Ballard, with my dream job.

10. I turned thirty years old this year. I went on a month-long road trip with someone I love. I did the best job I could to comfort a family member that was sick and in need. I listened to more albums of music than probably anyone I know; and found a way to monetarily support the bands that I thought good. I checked off a lot of stuff from that big list that we all have of “things to do.” I got in better control of my drinking and my drinking habits. I completed several really great landscaping projects for people and have the pictures to prove it. I got really creative in the kitchen, perfected all my old stand-by meals, and in turn ate better than I ever had. I exercised a lot and felt good about it. I told someone something that I had been meaning to tell them along time ago. I didn't take any shit from anybody and sent them my pity for failing at life (M,B,S,A). I don't regret any of these things actually, and realize that I could have gone on forever with this number as a lot of good happened this year; but that would have been annoying and I'm sure that you would rather be reading about the Palin family baby born out of wedlock, or Jeremy Piven's mercury poisoning, or whatever else TMZ thinks is news!