Brian's annual FU awards!

1. Auto manufacturer's for changing the horn from a drivers only way of communication, to a way to determine if your car is locked remotely upon exiting , or to see if the alarm is engaged. Do you know how many fucking times a day poeple think they are being honked at when thier really not. Talk about desensitization to the car horn, I hope this makes the horn as useless as the turn signal!

2. Japan for promoting the plunder of the worlds ocean--still--after most countries have stopped whaling, stopped overfishing (well sort of), and generally decided that it is hard to guage sustainable fishing in the ocean, but at least having decided that sustainablity is a good thing.

3. China for surpassing the US as leader of carbon emissions almost twenty years earlier than expected. Also for completely ravaging thier own country of its natural resources, as well as completely toxifying it, and wiping out the majority of its natural species. Good work communists - uh, I mean capitalists; hey what the fuck is China anyways other than on a bad path.

4. China, again, for cutting corners in production by putting a type of PLASTIC as a substitute for PROTEIN in pet foods, for putting a toxic compound in one of its toothpastes, for putting lead paint on childrens toys, and for generally telling thier consumers that they want to keep thier buisness in the future with these decisions.

5. To silly east coast poeple for coming to Seattle all chopped full of attitude and then claiming that its the Seattleites who have the problem. Scenario: Friday night - Whale Bones at the Chop Suey - random large females gives googley eyes to a group guys, and when they don't reciprocate comes over and tells us that all Seattleites are rude and that we have made her trip to the west coast a horrible one. See now I'm on a roll: Actually bitch! you want reciprocation try fucking talking to us, buy the one you have your eyes on a drink - or at least offer to; don't pre-judge us based on what obviously is another stereotype you brought with you and then created without even trying to prove differntly.

6. Ballard for proving that it is no better than Freemont in allowing its quaint little community to be turned into a yuppified, gentrified, glorified destination point for poeple who will pay 300 thousand to live in a pint-sized condo, in turn driving housing costs up, in turn driving rental costs up, inturn driving property taxes up, in turn causing local properites to be shut down (bye-bye Sunset Bowl) and turned into fucking King's Hardware (what does that name mean anyways) where frat boy crowds congregate and fight over meat market bitches who own cars that when they park them and get out they press a button and thier car horn honks.

7. To these same yuppie; condo buyin, nice car drivin, stupid significant other ridin - idiots for inflating the economy by going into dept litterally hundreds of thousand of dollars living above the means of any generation in the history of the United States: Good luck getting out of that hole suckers! For more info check out the documentary film Maxed Out.

8. To those ceartain liberals who somehow find one really obscure presidential candidate (Ron Paul) and decide that somehow turning a two-party election system into a three party delusion: Here's an idea - push for a three party system, maybe a purpotional representation, or at least something that allows for more than two candidates before trying to steal important Democratic voters away from Democratic candidates who need thier votes. 9. Seattle for having the worst summer to date as far as consistent sunny days go, as far as number of days in the 80's and 90's go, and as far as day's I am able to ride my bike down to Matthew's beach and take a dip. Seriously this summer has really been a let down; how about a hot August.

10. To everyone that can't stop talking about bicycles. Seriously we have been riding bikes since we were 5 years old; its not like they just invented the thing, bikes have been around since--well, forever. Oh yeah and I don't want to start any fights but anyone wants a little humbling about thier fervorous talk about thier bike and the lifestyle go watch the over the top--silly Kevin Bacon movie called Quicksilver: I think some poeple might be hurt to find that this kind of fixed gear fiasco has happened before and not that long ago.

Addendum to number 10: ALL MY FRIENDS and poeple I respect are into this so please don't be mad at me if you read this and it pisses you off it is only my intention to serve as a cultural obsever with over the top commentary. And, also sorry for putting you on the same list as condo-buying yuppies. The bicycle is the ultimate environmental message in an urban context and while I think trends overlook convention I think that this trend ultimately serves that purpose. Just don't make fun of my mountain bike, or make me feel like I am not part of your trend; the trend should be about bicycles--not vintage bicycles, not fixed gears, or some elitist--exclusionary movement.

Fuck Seattle for trying to hide its homeless problem. . .

Poeple never really make this connection, but visible homeless poeple are so very important to everday life, and without them we would be lulled into a sense of false comfort that our system works and there are no poeple that get spit out on the lower side of the captilalist spectrum. So I guess I'll get to the point; King County is considering barring panhandlers from ceartain areas of the city, ie. freeway on ramps. And, I say that this is the only place (other than downtown) where the upperclass, yuppie, gentrified--white and clueless--inhabitants of our "fair" city can see that homeless poeple even exist. Without those pesky, depressing, and sometimes drunk transiates manning the streetcorners, our rich and comortable would not see that, truly our system does not work; and also that for thier capitlalist success stories to exist in the first place, alot more underclass people must--not only stay poor--but suffer in most cases. So for anyone that cares, and like me does not want to allow the ruling class to just usher the homeless away from view of thier commute than I propose two suggestions. One, research the issue and write your council members, representatives, and anyone else relevant about your concerns. Or, secondly, if this is made into law - then to dress up like a homless person and fill every street corner with signs that read "I am poor because you are rich", or "you have my money, I would like it back," or "every person homeless, is a sign our system does not work." Of course you can add your own witty sentiment and make them all your own; and remember activism doesn't have to be boring, hippy, and annoying. It can be fun, artsy, amusing, and even fun.