Brian's regrets for the year 2008

1. Having ever studied political science and all the other forward-thinking classes at the UW, that allow me the inclusion to the notion that Barack Obama is not the savior of the world I have been looking for; but just another moderate politician. And, while he sure looks progressive compared with his predecessor, the important fact here is that only moderate politicians get elected to office in the US. I guess I will have to wait for that real revolution, although—at least for four years—I wont have to worry about my president anymore.

2. For thinking that I had found my dream job with Dr. Dan's Biodiesel. I should have known when I found that the company was dramatically in debt, being sued by another company, and unable to compete with the rest of the bio-diesel dealers in Washington. Moreover, I should have really known when Dr. Dan himself started showing signs that he was going to be hard to work with/for. I won't say any more here but, I had the skills, drive, and knowhow to help this guy to—at least—not have to worry about some of his business issues, or even fix them in some cases, and yet still he made the daily decision to be a fucking asshole. Good luck with the future Diesel Dan!!!

3. Not having tried out for bands. Not having formed my own band. Not having made more of my own music. Not having pushed more people to make music with me. I have been out of work for almost three months and I have had all this free time and still I have only written lame acoustic guitar shit. This is not music—it's for open mic's—and pretending to have issues that only I suffer from. I don't have any issues other than the fact that I can't find a job and am not in a rock band; using electrified instruments, being loud, jamming for no other reason other than its fun, endlessly thinking up lame band names, and making fun of acoustic singer song writers.

4. Watching too much TV. It started with Jeopardy; I had no problem liking a quiz show. And, then I found that I liked that damn Terminator show with the girl from Firefly. Then I found that Heroes was pretty damn good as well. Oh, yeah and that show with Christian Slater where his brain switches between family man and hit-man; that one is also alright. Who can I thank for this new time/brain sucking pastime. Well Netflix for being fucking slow and Hollywood video for having late fees, and raising their rental prices past five dollars, and for being owned my Mormons who don't deserve any of my damn money. Oh well, in February our antenna won't work and we don't have one of those damn digital boxes, and I will have a job so I can go out again instead of wasting time in front of the damn stupid box, smoking from the dumb pipe—wait Lost is coming back isn't it, time to get out the trusty dumb pipe!!!

5. Not pursuing any of my invention ideas. Seriously I think a guitar pick dispensing PEZ container with rock star caricature is money if I have ever heard the sound of money flowing in (whoosh)! Oh yeah, and the reflexology shoe inserts with different functions for each one is also gold. People will pay through their asses for happiness, and well being, and detoxification, and whatever other feeling I can create in a textured shoe insert. In case you don't know the foot is the gateway for communication with the body, seriously a foot massage is way more rewarding than a back massage. My other invention is a cell phone signal blocking device that can be placed in schools and businesses to block kids and their less mature adult counterparts from completely using their cell phones while in class, waiting in line at the post office, ordering coffee, and any other situation that could apply. Don't steal these people!

6. I regret not writing more. Seriously I have been complaining how journalism is dead and my degree is pretty much useless, but when it comes down to it—not doing a thing about it. It's not Journalism that's dead; more aptly its the daily newspapers, some forms of journalistic writing (see: music), and journalists being the watchdogs over government that appear to be losing ground. I can write and love doing it and know that the the money in writing is on the web; or better yet with personal web sites aimed at a certain subset of society. All I need is an idea (Ballard Living, Green Ideas, Everyday Activism), some well written content, and the ability to market myself, and I will make money. Advertisers are out there, and just waiting to be tapped.

7. Not having brewed my own beer. Fellow beer lovers, we should all be doing this, and the incentive not only lies in letting other people try out your home brewed goodness, but also in the notion that everyone I have ever talked to that brews their own beer has relayed that the people sampling their home brews say it's better than a lot of the micros out there. Fuck I could be drinking Brian's Chocolate Starfish Brown, or BK's Intercourse IPA, and my personal favorite: That Time of the Month Red. Seriously they would all be delicious and I could design my own labels; design ideas for the above three already come to mind: Think of a Starbucks like logo with the spread-eagle mermaid, yet sick, twisted, nasty, and comical.

8. This is the year when I could have started the novel I have been thinking about for almost four years. I have this constant narrative running through my brain and everything and everyone I come into contact with is morphing that narrative into a more cohesive idea to put into said novel. One of these days—hopefully soon—I will sit down at this very screen and start writing and not stop until the idea is seen through to its fullest (OK I will get up to poop and eat and then poop again). You should be excited about this notion as well because you all are in it; your names might not be the same but its unmistakably you, or even a bunch of you put into one, and since I care about and respect you all, you will be represented in a honorable fashion. To this I swear!

9. I regret that this list is not as funny as prior years list. In the past when I have compiled these things they are filled with humorous social commentary and funny rantings and ravings about my observations; albeit, this years list has a sense of foreboding to it that—while I am not totally comfortable with—I can honestly say it's just the way it came out. So for that, anyone that wasted the time to read past the first three entries of this list, I am truly sorry. My life has been one of uncertainty lately. Next year at this time I could be in Fort Collins, Colorado, or I could be in Portland, or even right her in the first city I loved: Ballard, with my dream job.

10. I turned thirty years old this year. I went on a month-long road trip with someone I love. I did the best job I could to comfort a family member that was sick and in need. I listened to more albums of music than probably anyone I know; and found a way to monetarily support the bands that I thought good. I checked off a lot of stuff from that big list that we all have of “things to do.” I got in better control of my drinking and my drinking habits. I completed several really great landscaping projects for people and have the pictures to prove it. I got really creative in the kitchen, perfected all my old stand-by meals, and in turn ate better than I ever had. I exercised a lot and felt good about it. I told someone something that I had been meaning to tell them along time ago. I didn't take any shit from anybody and sent them my pity for failing at life (M,B,S,A). I don't regret any of these things actually, and realize that I could have gone on forever with this number as a lot of good happened this year; but that would have been annoying and I'm sure that you would rather be reading about the Palin family baby born out of wedlock, or Jeremy Piven's mercury poisoning, or whatever else TMZ thinks is news!

Brian's top albums of 2008. . .

Love as laughter - Holy. This album is really good. I don't know it took me a while to like it, and now I put it on without even thinking about it. I know the CD art and just spot it and put it in without even realizing it. Thanks Isaac for finding this band and pushing them into the Sub Pop family.

David Byrne and Brian Eno - Everything that happens will happen today. Ok, the first time these two collaborated it wasn't anything special, but now with "Everything" they seem to have found a sound that really makes sense at the time when it was made. Note to other bands try and do this, and you will be famous, or at least be noticed as that's all that really matters nowadays.

Valient Thorr - Immortalizer. This band is more rock than any band out there today. They are sweaty, denim clad, bearded, head banging rockers that will give you their kidney's if you need it. Well not really, but their lead singer Valient Himself did document his kidney removal for his own father in their—really solid music dvd—In Heat.

Titus Andronicus - Airing of Grievances. This band came out of nowhere and for some people they never came out at all. Their debut album is so visceral one might mistake it for a really good live album. The album has its highs and lows, but as a whole it is still better mix of musicianship and feeling than any album that came out this year; remember the name it will give you points.

Fucked Up - The chemistry of common life. I hate hardcore music. I hate that you have to sing in certain way to be categorized as hardcore. Point of fact, I hate tag lines for music in general; and its for that reason that I loved Fucked Up's latest. This album is not hardcore, but the lead singer sings like it is. In all the reviews I read for this album "reviewers" had problems categorizing it and that means that the band was able to accomplish something that hardly any band this year did, it made the listener think about what kind of music this exactly is. My answer: just music.

Kay Kay and his Weathered Underground - Self. Every time I get sick of local music, some band comes along and reminds me that there is a good band for all the bad ones (see: Throw Me The Statue, Jaguar Love, Grand Archives). Kay Kay features the former lead man from Gatsby's American Dream with a large supporting cast including members of the Lashes and the live band for the Blue Scholars. What they sound like is for you to determine, but should you—yes!

New Albums by Kings Of Leon, Cold War Kids, The Hold Steady, My Morning Jacket, and TV On The Radio: These bands were just buzz bands a year ago and now they are the mainstay acts to see as headliners, and sure bets for albums of the year. One look at www.metacritic.com shows just how many top ten lists these bands made with their latest releases.

Colour Revolt - Plunder Beg and Curse. This is the best band you have never heard of. Plain and simple, post-punk is a used up genre but these Mississippians do it right, and how they do it seems to be all their own. For evidence of this go over to www.daytrotter.com and search the bands name. They have a terrific sensibility for melody and timing and with those elements they excel.

Conor Oberst and The Mystic Valley Band - Conor Oberst. When you go on a road trip like I did at the end of the summer of 2008, its always good to have good road music. And, there was no better road music than the first "real" solo record from the Bright Eyes front man. This album just breathes freedom with lines such as, "when I get to moab and get my canteen filled, there's nothing that the road cannot heal."

Wolf Parade - At Mt. Zoomer. This album is a little too good; I mean not really, but seriously the players on this record know how to make music. Then I saw them live and they were young, not just out of high school, young but pretty young, and it made me wonder if hipsters had found a way to sell their souls to the devil for – all to tight – pants, and a musical style that shows a knowledge of music past ones own age and ability to absorb mass amounts of quality music.

Honorable Mentions: Oasis – Dig out your soul, Blitzen Trapper – Furr, Stephen Malkamus – Real emotional Trash, Toadies – No Deliverance, The Roots – Rising Down, The Verve – Forth, Raconteurs – Consolers of the Lonely, The Little Ones – Morning Tide, The Cops – Free Electricity, Spiritualized – Songs in A & E, Shim – Feel like a king, Scott Weiland – Happy in Golashes, The Night Watchmen – The fabled city, Mars Volta – Bedlam in Goliath, Los Campesinos – We are beautiful we are doomed, Brian Wilson – That lucky old sun, Elbow – That seldom seen kid, Common Market – Tobacco road, Annuals – Such Fun, Eagles of Death Metal – Heart On, Foals – Antidote, Jay Retard – Matador singles, The Knux – Remind me in three days, and just for Axl—Guns and Roses – Chinese Democracy.

We live in America, not . . .

Amurkin. Yep that's how John McCain prounounces it, and Bush, and a whole lot of other old people> Well, old people should know that a "murkin" is a vaginal whig that came about around the turn of the 19th century to combat against crabs and other kinds of nasty venereal diseases that like to use pubic hair as a nifty little environment for a whole lot of itching and uncomfortable-ness. So, yeah do we live in a Amurkin; I hope not, for one, I would sure hate to live by a stinking cum dumpster for sailors. Do we live in America; yeah technically - we live in North America, but in addition there is a Central America, and South America. So next time someone asks you where you live (yeah I know it never happens) tell them you live in North America and guage the reaction you get, most poeple don't get it. We live in the United States of America, or North America to be more general, or Hell if John McCain and his pussy whig come to the oval office.

Sarah Palin? Who is this woman. . .

Seriously, who the fuck is Sarah Palin? Surely she's not the political celebrity that Hillary Clinton is; so why is it that the media is covering her selection as John McCain's VP like Tibet was just given its freedom from the "don't spit in public during the olympics" red capitalist menace that is China. And, also why is the media pretending that somehow white democratic women are moving away from the Obama/Biden ticket to go vote for the new McCain/Palin ticket because the addition of Palin is what they've been waiting for. If any democrats have declared thier allegence to the Republican ticket because of the addition of Palin then surely they weren't democrats in the first place. Palin is a strict conservative with leanings toward facism. First she has hardly no history of public service in a populace state, and no the PTA does not count. She also doesn't support choice of abortion, even when rape or incest is concerned. And, she thinks that global warming is not man made and shouldn't be made an issue in politics (See: drill, drill, drill). Her selection as governor of Alaska was a stunt by the corporate powers that be up in Alaska because they needed a - good looking, appealing, maleable - puppet in the top seat to control and influence; not to unlike what McCain's camp is using her for. Also this will come out later, but when the topic of international relations comes up, it will be revealed that Palin has hardly been out of Alaska and only in 2007 got her passport but as of now it is unclear if she's ever been out of the country. Compared with the workhorse--highly traveled and foreign pollitically experienced--Biden there is no comparison. Yet, it would appear that the media is lowering the bar of comparisons to things such as which candidate knows how to field dress a moose, be succesful at ice fishing, or drive a snowmobile. Alaskan politics has always been just that--Alaskan politics--and if Palin is taken seriously as a candidate for Vice President of the United States then maybe we should start electing politicians to office from other US territories like Guam, American Samoa, and the Virgin Islands; throw them right into office in the lower 48 and expect them to know what Americans in those states expect and need. I guess its a good thing that the VP spot has little to no power that comes with the job (See: Cheney's exception), and that this writer is pretty sure that when debates start happening Palin will stop being the silent candidate with that "wholesome" story, and start showing American voters where she really stands--and for that matter has never set foot. Until then McCain will keep telling the story about how he was tortured during the Veitnam war. Palin will keep telling that "holes in it" story about her vanquishing corruption in Alaska, and Obama and Biden will continue to play it straight until thier flawed opponents reveal thier true selves as puppets for corporate money, the GOP, the neo-cons and whomever else is scared of a changing US. Keep watching and keep testing your candidates, news sources, pundits, family, friends, and piers just to make sure they are all paying attention and not just repeating the same PR release that dribbles down from the most corrupt faucets in the country; and yes even Alaska.

This is something I know . . .

THE WORLD WILL BE DIFFERENT FOUR YEARS FROM NOW! This is one thing I know; what I don't know is which way the pendulum will swing. If things go the way I want them too, Barack Obama will be our president and things will move more to the left then they have in the history of our country. Things we have to look forward to include: Health care for everyone, a better standing in a greatly degraded worldview, a transparent - accountable governing body that fears the poeple - not people that fear thier government; and in general a change from the nightmare that has been the last eight years. Things we have to fear: John McCain! And, as we watch the upcoming presidential race from our computer screens and televisions, a little bit of action from all of us who care could not hurt a bit. I know most of you live in Washington - a state that will surely "go Obama" - but maybe its time that we do more to influence the people, counties, and states that wont "go Obama." This might be the last real chance to turn the history of our country. I can not express enough how things will go from bad to worse if we elect another "war mongering conservative" to the White House. The USA will continue to be a target by global radicals and "terrorists," Canadians who travel will still feel it important to put thier flag on thier backpacks so as not to be confused with Americans, and we will not take the torch and become a leader in the upcoming "green revolution." This is our destiny and if you can't see it, your not paying attention - to both history, and the future - becuase this is the only direction the world can go right now. So as we stare at TV screens, with laptops on our laps, checking cellphones for text messages; WAKE UP! We have become dissconnected from the rest of humanity and our reality in in this consumer society is that of prisoners with manufactured higs and lows that dependant on silly things like, gas prices, stimulus checks, digital TV conversions, home prices, technology trends, student loans, and an endless list of other things that should not be influencing happiness. Look to your families, loved ones, and the rest of the rewarding human connections that should be the only source of happiness. I beg you, all of you, anyone that will listen, anyone that has read this far to not let John McCain be elected in November; I swear on everything I know and hold sacred that this is a turning point for the United States and the world; and if we don't take this seriously now, we might not have another chance!

Hey, the new GTA is out, Yeah!

I'm so excited - in this revamp of the game there is a whole bunch of added features: Like when you get herpes, crabs, or genital warts from a street vixen then later try to pee, the screen flashes red and the rumble feature of the controller starts up so that you know the pain your sexually foolish charachter is going through. Also there is a new drug feature that simulates drug addiction; its like a side game that starts up when your substance challenged charachter takes either heroin, coke, or meth. It goes like this, one hit and a new bunch of missions concerning aquiring drugs and convincing your friends and family that you don't have a problem pop up; only to find yourself in a cheap hotel with a crabs infected hooker pumping your main arterials full of that good ol black tar. I hear one of the bonus levels is a rehab level where you beat up other junkies while wearing a hospital smock. And, the best part of the new Grand Theft Auto is the credit card feature where you get a credit line to "pimp yo ride" and then spend the rest of the game trying to make payments and escaping the dreaded "debtors." They are kinda like the dementors from the Harry Potter mythology but with briefcases that they open and suck away all of your savings; it is intense! Get a life kids - don't you remember how cool the nintendo games were - like Zelda, and Metroid, and Mario even. Can't we go back to the way it was!

Brian's annual FU awards!

1. Auto manufacturer's for changing the horn from a drivers only way of communication, to a way to determine if your car is locked remotely upon exiting , or to see if the alarm is engaged. Do you know how many fucking times a day poeple think they are being honked at when thier really not. Talk about desensitization to the car horn, I hope this makes the horn as useless as the turn signal!

2. Japan for promoting the plunder of the worlds ocean--still--after most countries have stopped whaling, stopped overfishing (well sort of), and generally decided that it is hard to guage sustainable fishing in the ocean, but at least having decided that sustainablity is a good thing.

3. China for surpassing the US as leader of carbon emissions almost twenty years earlier than expected. Also for completely ravaging thier own country of its natural resources, as well as completely toxifying it, and wiping out the majority of its natural species. Good work communists - uh, I mean capitalists; hey what the fuck is China anyways other than on a bad path.

4. China, again, for cutting corners in production by putting a type of PLASTIC as a substitute for PROTEIN in pet foods, for putting a toxic compound in one of its toothpastes, for putting lead paint on childrens toys, and for generally telling thier consumers that they want to keep thier buisness in the future with these decisions.

5. To silly east coast poeple for coming to Seattle all chopped full of attitude and then claiming that its the Seattleites who have the problem. Scenario: Friday night - Whale Bones at the Chop Suey - random large females gives googley eyes to a group guys, and when they don't reciprocate comes over and tells us that all Seattleites are rude and that we have made her trip to the west coast a horrible one. See now I'm on a roll: Actually bitch! you want reciprocation try fucking talking to us, buy the one you have your eyes on a drink - or at least offer to; don't pre-judge us based on what obviously is another stereotype you brought with you and then created without even trying to prove differntly.

6. Ballard for proving that it is no better than Freemont in allowing its quaint little community to be turned into a yuppified, gentrified, glorified destination point for poeple who will pay 300 thousand to live in a pint-sized condo, in turn driving housing costs up, in turn driving rental costs up, inturn driving property taxes up, in turn causing local properites to be shut down (bye-bye Sunset Bowl) and turned into fucking King's Hardware (what does that name mean anyways) where frat boy crowds congregate and fight over meat market bitches who own cars that when they park them and get out they press a button and thier car horn honks.

7. To these same yuppie; condo buyin, nice car drivin, stupid significant other ridin - idiots for inflating the economy by going into dept litterally hundreds of thousand of dollars living above the means of any generation in the history of the United States: Good luck getting out of that hole suckers! For more info check out the documentary film Maxed Out.

8. To those ceartain liberals who somehow find one really obscure presidential candidate (Ron Paul) and decide that somehow turning a two-party election system into a three party delusion: Here's an idea - push for a three party system, maybe a purpotional representation, or at least something that allows for more than two candidates before trying to steal important Democratic voters away from Democratic candidates who need thier votes. 9. Seattle for having the worst summer to date as far as consistent sunny days go, as far as number of days in the 80's and 90's go, and as far as day's I am able to ride my bike down to Matthew's beach and take a dip. Seriously this summer has really been a let down; how about a hot August.

10. To everyone that can't stop talking about bicycles. Seriously we have been riding bikes since we were 5 years old; its not like they just invented the thing, bikes have been around since--well, forever. Oh yeah and I don't want to start any fights but anyone wants a little humbling about thier fervorous talk about thier bike and the lifestyle go watch the over the top--silly Kevin Bacon movie called Quicksilver: I think some poeple might be hurt to find that this kind of fixed gear fiasco has happened before and not that long ago.

Addendum to number 10: ALL MY FRIENDS and poeple I respect are into this so please don't be mad at me if you read this and it pisses you off it is only my intention to serve as a cultural obsever with over the top commentary. And, also sorry for putting you on the same list as condo-buying yuppies. The bicycle is the ultimate environmental message in an urban context and while I think trends overlook convention I think that this trend ultimately serves that purpose. Just don't make fun of my mountain bike, or make me feel like I am not part of your trend; the trend should be about bicycles--not vintage bicycles, not fixed gears, or some elitist--exclusionary movement.

Incase you thought America was great. . .

I guesss I knew the Micheal Moore's new film would be good; I even thought I knew what the subject matter would be. I also prepared myself for the kind of bais and sensationalistic tactics that Moore has become known for in his past films. No preparation was useful though, nor was I even close to guessing where Sicko would go to make its point. Moore's latest is a blatant slap to the face to all Americans; or at least the majority of the populace that have no medical coverage like myself, or the even larger percentage that have medical coverage but have its usefulness limited by innsurance companies that are encouraged to deny claims that are too costly in order to maximize the bottom line. All this is well and good, we all know insurance companies are terrible in thier many institutions in American society, especially considering we are talking about the health care industry that keeps all citizens healthy and happy. But its not this aspect of the film that was infuriorating. It was American's national health care ranking and general comparisons to other countries that really deflated my pride in a country that was founded on such great ideas and circumstances. What you ask is so great about other countries health care, well for starters they care about thier citizens and keep them living longer and healthier than Americans. England was utterly torn apart after world war two and its citizens were demoralized, so what did that government do for its poeple--yep universal health care. Moore compared this point to our only attack on American soil--9/11--asking why couldn't we have responded in the same way. Well the answere is easy; our health care system means alot of money for the insurance companies, the phamacutical companies, and a very suspect American Medical Association. A call was played on the film between - then president - Richard Nixon from one of his aides concerning opening up the health care industry to privitized insurance companies. It would appear that this was the point when corruption and a generalized buisness model entered into an industry that should be about unconditional treatment of anything and everyone. Albeit, did we listen to the message of the founding fathers when they tried to create a system limiting power from government: Or when President Eisenhower warned us about the growing threat of the military industrial complex: Or even this generations greatest thinkers such as Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn concerning corporations and thier growing influence in government. We didn't listen to these warnings and the evidence of this ignorance is blatant in many areas of American society. Although, there are some messages througout our history that we did listent to: Bush saying we need to bring war to the "evil doers," Reagan warning the popluace that allowing for socialized health care is the same as opening the door to communism in America, as well we listened the afformentioned Nixon about it being a good idea to allow insurance companies control over health care and look where it got us: Thirty-sixth in the world in a health care ranking, right under thied world Costa Rica, and well below most of our closest allies such as Canada, England, and France. So as an example what is so great about those systems; well for one--universal health care with no exceptions--even in the case of a visiting American in need of treatment. As well, to use France as an example; they have unlimted sick days, house calls from doctors on call 24hrs a day, no expensive medications that are not subsidized. Allright, France isn't a good example, of course they have socialized health care, thier government serves the poeple of France the way it should be. The reason for that is that the people of France revolted from thier own government during the French Revolution. This action set an example that the poeple of France made it very clear that the government of France should and will fear its people and not the other way around. And, while America has had a revolution that would have sent this same message, our revolution was against the monarchy in England and not our own government. But, remember England has socialized health care for all and we don't, maybe if we would have lost the American revolution and today would still swear allegiance to the queen, then maybe we too would have a health care system that doesn't favor the rich, or let ceartain citizens go without treatment, or have no coverage at all. I don't want to spoil the movie or its final one-two punch in the end , but I think its important to make one last comparison for the call of universal health care in America. Cuba, comunist Cuba; under that "evil" man Fidel Castro - has a better health care system than America. It's true, another third world country, a communist one nonetheless, has a better health care system than America. Not only that but its own poeple live longer, happier, healthier lives than Americans. This simple fact is the slap in the face I refered to earlier in this blog. Not only do the Cubans care more about thier citizens but they also use thier high standard of health care to help out other nations in the Caribbean, South, and Central America to make thier health care systems better. I won't say what Moore does to prove this point, it could be his only sensationalistc aspect of this film, but it was nonetheless a powerfull one and it sucked me right in without any knee-jerk response. So I say this to the American populace with no trepidity; if you want your government to truly serve you then you need to make it fear you through action, like the message the French Revolution inscribed in its history. It's about time the American populace started getting a government that listens and rewards its citizens for being a part of the greatest nation in the world, all I ask for is health coverage because sadly I don't have any and don't know when I will. Elect a democrat that promises universal health care, and if they don't follow up on that promise, thats when its time to act, to demand, to stop being apathetic, to begin to take the power back to where it was always meant to be; in the hands of the powerless, the masses, the largest--unrepresented--percentage in American today!

The scariest horror movie ever made. . .

Is called Jesus Camp http://www.jesuscampthemovie.com/ and it shows how the growing evangelical movement is training thier youth to subversively enter American government (George W. Bush, Justice Alito) and other influential institutions to reinstate thier one dimensional bible heavy beliefs on the masses. These children are told that abortion is killing gods masterpieces, that global warming isn't real--and since Jesus Christ is coming back to earth to take all "Christians" with him--it doesn't matter if every drop of oil is used or every tree is cut down, and that our country was founded on christianity and the evil liberals are trying to separate church from state (Actually it was the framers of the constitution that made that decision). Just watching this film made me compare the indoctorination of middle american youth to how Palestinian children are trained to fight the Zionistic state of Israel with guns and grenades, suicide bombs, and whatever means necessary as young as the age of 5. One of the most startling stats in Jesus Camp is that of all homeschooled children in the U.S. seventy-five percent are evangelicals. And I'm sure thier home schooling includes teaching evolution alongside creationism. Another important point this film illustrated for me is how this isn't an old problem that started when the first christian was "born again" sometime around the middle of the twentieth century, but is just now reaching the peak of its strength now and is spreading from its center in Colorado Springs outward. There was a moment of light in the film and it came with the introduction of evangelical pastor Ted Haggard meeting some of the kids from the Jesus Camp. You might remember Haggard as the pastor that was recently caught for having sex with a male prostitue as well as snorting crystal meth during the one of several encounters. The adoration for Haggard and his role in the church went as high as George W. himself who in his first term in office called Haggard every monday morning for support. I wondered how the main players in the film and our fine president felt after hearing the news that one of the central figures in the evangelical movement was leading quite a double life doing rails of meth and having sin-filled sex. So if you want to see all the blood, the guts, the shrieks, and terror; look no further than middle america in places like Missouri, the Dakota's, and Colorado where "born again" parents are training an army of brainwashed, hypocritical, righteous, unwaivering bible warriors to take on the devil and his liberal allies in the war against; open mindedness, the ability to question, the power of choice, and a whole lot of other things that have long been considered given freedoms. So watch out America and be careful who you elect because the whole point of this evangelical training is to be secretive about ones true beliefs and intentions for pursuing all those positions of power in the US government and elsewhere.

An I-POD vibrator, what the F!

So I have always been concerned with the human race becoming more and more "connected" or as it should be more accurately described, disconnected. By this I refer to many things, including: Issolation from our natural environments, issolation from other members of society, addictions to television/computers/or other personal electronics. Things that have worried me recently are cell phones and how they have evolved ideas of what is acceptable; ie, conversation on a blackberry while doing your banking, or talking on phones while driving, or interupting person to person communication to answer a phone call. I could go on forever how rude I think poeple really are as to what they think is acceptable behavior for using a cell phone. The latest electronic device that has troubled me--not only as a very entrenched fan of music, but also as a human being who greatly values inter-personal communication--is the use of mp3 players and thier most popular seller--the I-POD. My reasons for disliking this device in particular range from a broad spectrum of complaints: From the death of the listening to a record from start to finish, to favortism of singles over artists, to consumer money going to Apple's I-Tunes and even further from the artists pockets, to things as simple as loss of quality from vinyl format all the way to the MP3. I might sound like a purist--or even a pretentious bastart--but I must remind you I don't have an MP3 player, cell phone, or any other techno-device that I have mentioned above. So I guess I'll get to the point. Today I saw an add for a device from a company called OH-MY-BOD! that has put a new twist on the use of the I-POD. This company's product is a splitter that attaches to an I-POD and on one end attaches the headphones for the user to listen to his or her favorite band, and on the other attaches a vibrator that is calibrated to vibrate to the beat or pulse of the music being listened to. And while I am attracted to the notion that poeple can finally "get off" on the bands that they love. My problem with this device is that--one, I can't get off on a standard vibrator--and secondly, I don't really want the gals that are using this "all new" adapter for the I-POD to be pleasing themselves to the kind of mass consumed, over produced, lacking in substance--crap (insert genre here)! I know this isn't much of an argument; but shit as much as I want liberated women to masturbate as much as men have during thier maturations, I don't think crappy musical artists deserve thier first and following orgasms. So as humans become less connected with thier fellow humans and more connected with this all so everpresent techno-crap, all I have to say is--hey OH-MY-BOD! make me a fucking male vibrator, or sleave, or love doll, or whatever (and make it cheap)--so I can finally get off on every Led Zeppelin record and finally feel every John Bonham triplet ever played. Bring it bitches!

Fuck Seattle for trying to hide its homeless problem. . .

Poeple never really make this connection, but visible homeless poeple are so very important to everday life, and without them we would be lulled into a sense of false comfort that our system works and there are no poeple that get spit out on the lower side of the captilalist spectrum. So I guess I'll get to the point; King County is considering barring panhandlers from ceartain areas of the city, ie. freeway on ramps. And, I say that this is the only place (other than downtown) where the upperclass, yuppie, gentrified--white and clueless--inhabitants of our "fair" city can see that homeless poeple even exist. Without those pesky, depressing, and sometimes drunk transiates manning the streetcorners, our rich and comortable would not see that, truly our system does not work; and also that for thier capitlalist success stories to exist in the first place, alot more underclass people must--not only stay poor--but suffer in most cases. So for anyone that cares, and like me does not want to allow the ruling class to just usher the homeless away from view of thier commute than I propose two suggestions. One, research the issue and write your council members, representatives, and anyone else relevant about your concerns. Or, secondly, if this is made into law - then to dress up like a homless person and fill every street corner with signs that read "I am poor because you are rich", or "you have my money, I would like it back," or "every person homeless, is a sign our system does not work." Of course you can add your own witty sentiment and make them all your own; and remember activism doesn't have to be boring, hippy, and annoying. It can be fun, artsy, amusing, and even fun.

Questions for robots on saving the world: Pirating!

Proof that technology is an unstoppable force to be reckoned with can be shown in the actions taken by the music and movie industry concerning piracy. When the first personal CD burner was put into a personal computer the music industry has been scrambling to find ways to keep its empire intact. From possibly illegal software (RCA) on CD’s to stop a CD from being “ripped” onto the hard drive or “burnt,” to sealed Discman’s delivered (Sony) to music journalists to stop unreleased albums from leaking on the internet. No avenue has not been explored to protect this multi-billion dollar industry’s from going the way of history.
The “bad guys” entrusted in protecting their benefactors in music buisness is an organization known as the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). The RIAA has done everything from enlist musicians to condemn “pirating” such as the now hated Lars Ulrich of Metallica, to busting children from starting (Napster), or simply using file sharing networks on the internet. This ten year effort started in the mid nineties and has continued it way all the way up to the Supreme Court; which ruled in 2005 that an individual can not be responsible for the user’s actions on his/her file sharing network. This essentially sealed the fate of the record industry and was indicated by a drop in album prices, the closing of record store giants (Tower Records), and a jump in online sales from sites such as I-Tunes.
While the record industry scrambles to find new ways of making money off of underpaid “true” artists, and overpaid “industry” artists; the movie industry is starting to fight their own war over pirated DVD’s that would signal a drop in DVD sales a large portion of their—an even bigger multi-billion dollar industry. And once again the big studios have an acronized face to hide behind the Motion Picture Association of American (MPAA). And, as the MPAA is taking the same route the RPAA took by busting kids who are utilizing already existing technology at their disposal. Certain differences in both cases should be pointed out.
In the music business the main problem was that albums were being leaked before their release date via the internet; by journalists and music rags with advance copies of the album. Sometimes consumers would have early copies of albums a month or even two, before an album’s scheduled release date. And, what this did in terms of sales was decrease the anticipation sales and first week numbers, a period that is the largest percentage of sales typically for any mainstream record. In contrast, while “bootlegs” of movies have existed for twenty years on street corners of New York, these low quality camcorder copies of already released films have never posed any threat to the movie industry. As well, it is unheard of for movies to leak onto the internet before they are ever to be released, which should send a message to the music industry concerning how they treat the way promotions and early copies of records are treated.
Essentially what this means is that box-office numbers are not being affected by DVD “ripping;” which doesn’t even become and issue for a film until it is released in a format that can be copied sometimes a year after it first appeared in theaters. So what this means is that while the record industry has only one method to make money from a record, the movie industry profits both from the initial release of the film and the DVD release. As well, unless the home computer user has some knowledge of the technology he won’t be able to “rip” a purchased or rented DVD onto a blank medium. The user can try and download the movie but with large file sizes it takes at least a couple of days of uninterrupted broadband downloading, and once the file is on the computer the user runs into the same problem of how to get the movie onto a playable DVD.
What this debate really does for me more than anything else is feeling sorry for the “true” musicians who are loosing money in this battle; not for the four giant record companies, and not the Best Buy’s or Target who have other ways to make profits. Even if a movie tanks in the theaters and falls victim to DVD piracy, the actor in the movie—as long as it’s from a big studio—still gets paid for his/her performance. Albeit, these “true” musical artists I keep mentioning can make their money by touring and selling merchandise out from under the pressure of their label. In this regard “true” fans and artists of music will find themselves escaping the Titanic sinking ship of the over bloated record industry to the small and safe comforts of independent labels that distribute mainly through their partners in independent record shops.
So why is the MPAA fighting by shutting down sites that are distributing “ripping” software, and going after—once again—kids who are simply making copies of their favorite DVD’s so they don’t have to pay for a movie they probably have paid two other times to watch. Greed kills kills again, and then dies itself; all you have to do is wait!

2007 state of the union address by Goerge W. Bush

Best described as politicians on pogo-sticks the State of the Union address was received today by members of the house and senate, along with the judges of the supreme court, and army generals; they bobbed up and down,--from sitting to standing—like a headgear adorned eight year old on a sugar high bobbing for that last unattainable apple. The speech given by President George W. Bush was notably contrived and placid; surely in response to the lowest presidential rating (28%) since Richard Nixon was bracing for the break in the Watergate flood, as well as having been given to a newly democratic controlled house and senate. In this context I am sure the president and his speech writers knew exactly what to emphasize in the forty minute speech and what to strike from it altogether.
Considering the presidents mention of the isle, and that it doesn’t matter which side representatives were on, only that they crossed that line when it came to getting things done; it was amusing to watch the red side hop to its feet leaving the blue’s in theirs with signs of contempt on their faces. The most contentious issue the president addressed was surely the Iraq war and the loaded yet mostly uninformed debate concerning whether to send more troops of start bringing the ones already there home. Are senators, representatives, and the American people that uniformed and naive to believe that “failure” in Iraq will surely result in worsening terrorist attacks on our county or simply that it will leave Iraq worse that when we got there.
I guess this use of fear as a weapon has always been one of most irritation for me. And, while it is possible that terrorist attacks could increase if the US pulls out of Iraq, it is also just as possible that by “staying the course” in Iraq could also easily result in more terrorist attacks. Its just how all things work when the future is uncertain and best described as chaos like a drop of water on the hand could easily fall in any direction. Of course I could just as easily compare the war in Iraq much like a responsible camping trip in the wilderness: That you leave those areas exactly as you found them, taking with you only pictures, and leaving some sparse but inevitable footprints.
For the most part the speech was almost too safe, with no real policy points being addressed, or with nothing unexpected coming out of it. The only real unexpected part of the speech was in the introduction of former professional basketball player Dekembe Mutumbo following a section of his speech about AIDS in Africa. Although, where the correlation of Mutumbo’s American citizenship and the worst regional AIDS epidemic in the world relate to each other, I don’t know. If Mutumbo has sponsored an organization to confront this issue that affects his homeland of Congo then the president did not name that organization.
I wanted to make this “review” more comedic, even gonzo-ish in nature but like all things I let the writing take the lead and not my intentions. So as the reader is left with an expressionless glaze over their faces and a thought about how it would be nice to have those last five minutes back; I say to you: You read really fucking slow I could have read over this in at least two minutes! Oh yeah and as far as stats and things go, the same sort that interest me the least, this state of the union was first ever to be opened by a female speaker of the house.

Who really is the wolf in this picture . . .

For the sake of debate, I want to have a person next to a picture of a wolf on a wall and have it photographed in black and white so the viewer of the picture can participate in a debate with his mind as to who really is the "wolf" in the frame? And since the art in this scenario is the unspoken diolouge the individual has with thier mind and not my interpretation of the picture I can only add "talking points" as it were; to promote conversation. Wolves (as we know them) were first encountered in the North Americas when the "colonists" were attempting to get a stranglehold over the most hospitable areas of the Americas. Wolves who are predatory animals were percieved as a danger to the white settlers and thier livestock - so were killed in great numbers for mainly this reason; and secondly the furs they provided. It's not completely known exactly how many wolves were killed by explorers, trappers, settlers, etc. But what is known is that contrary to hollywooods portrayal of the wolf; and what the commom belief was at the time: No wolf has ever attacked a human bieng in the wild, and that fact is important to point out in this debate. Slogans like, "wolf in sheeps clothing" pop into mind here when trying to back up this view that worlves are the evil, to the sheeps good. At one point in American history one of the most populated area for wolves was Yellowstone National Park and in the year 1926 they were declared extinct from the park and would not be re-introduced until 1995 in small, non-impactful numbers. One could say that the Wolf was one of historical America's worst blunders; even if compared to our treatment of the native americans or other misstreatd animals like the bison. Before our arrival in the new world there existed a natural equlibrium between the wolves - thier many varried pray - and the native americans that had reached all time population highs shortly before the first spanish ship ever landed in the carribean. So I guess I'll pose the question one more time with this last bit of information to mull over: Until you look a wolf in the eyes in the wild, or in captivity you will never know how truly different they are from the common domesticated dogs (whom some anthropoligists believe are decended from quite dissimilar african wild dog breeds) and how magnificent these timid--beautiful creatures, that are perfect examples of evolution in action, as well as an example of one of natures mechanisms for keeping some herds numbers in check. So with the image of a person sitting or standing beside the picture (I use the picture example because a picture of a person beside a Wolf would be made to show the person as friend to the wolf) of a Wolf and ask yourself: Truly who is "Wolf" in this picture?

My regrets for the year of two-thousand and six: in non-sequential order!

--Not having met and made love to Charlize Theron during the filming of the movie about WTO that I was supposed to be an extra, yet didn’t because of bad meeting info.

--Not having sold one of my many inventions for hundreds of thousands of dollars; come on – every guitar player needs a pick dispensing pez-holder with rock star head of choice!

--Not having sent out that demo for my solo work with Voith Retarder. That shit is good! And that Pho’ Kindai hasn’t been making the soundtrack that every Seattle hipster has been searching Pitchfork for three times a day: To Poop On!

--Not developed a massive heroin habit to cope with Seattle’s massive attitude problem.

--Not having cut off my dreads after making a promise at the Chupacabra, and then to make sure I would follow through with by blacking out from the tequila shots; Whoops!

--Also along those lines: Not getting beat up by the cops after blacking out from tequila shots, walking home three miles, all the while dressed like a wolf. Did you have fun pigs?

--Not having discovered the Silversun Pickups, The Hold Steady, The Cold War Kids, The Sword, Mclusky, and I’m from Barcelona earlier, shit!

--Not seeing the Murder City Devils at their show at the Showbox and instead seeing it at the Capitol Hill Block party with every other drunken asshole is Seattle, thanks guys.

--Not going to Burning Man once again for the third year in a row and instead going to the Oregon Country Fair the third year in a row; ok it was still fun just without FIRE!

--Not having quit smoking earlier – who the fuck has the nerve to only smoke part-time, only in the evening, and while drunk. Next time I smoke it will be for real, I promise.

--Not having finally broken down and purchasing a cell phone. I swear I probably missed out on countless fun—friend-filled—activities because of my stubbornness on that issue!

--Also for not telling everyone in my life that cares for me how much I treasure the fact that I am blessed to have them in my life; you all know who you are and I love you all!

--Not having joined a gym, ate better, exercised more frequently; along with all those other things that everyone and their grandma uses for their new-years resolutions; suckas!

--Not having moved to Ballard when I first planned on it—before that scene had a hip shoe shop, bar owned by Linda’s, and all the other post-cocaine hipster moved there; oh yeah and not following Eli and Heather to Portland so I didn’t have to bitch about Seattle.

Questions for robots on saving the world: Media!

So do we know why corporations like GE and Westinghouse own media outlets; well its so they can keep wraps on ceartain issues that effect thier buisness. Also, Did you know that in the old days radio stations had to present opposing views; called the "fairness doctrine." But this was abolished under the idea that corporations had thier right to free speech; huh - what they didn't realize is that corporations are exponentially more powerful than people and can direct public oppinion in whatever direction they wish. Also, in 1996 behind closed doors it got worse with the passing of the "Telecommunications Act" under the Clinton administration where almost all radio regulations were thrown out; these regulations kept radio somewhat balanced and ownership was mostly local and widespread. So back to the point: Say the media isn't covering vital issues that should be covered would we know. Well tell me if any of you knew any of the following bullets and that should be your answer: --Two companies count 80 percent of the votes in US elections and the two companies are owned by brothers. --Our national debt now equals $30,000 for each person, also for bonus points guess what political party has accumulated the majority of that debt. --Last month, half the lawyers in the IRS's "Estate Tax Division" were laid off en masse, I wonder why? -- George H.W. Bush is making millions through the Carlisle group, thanks to administration policies; favoritism anyone. --and here's an easy one: The wealthiest 5 percent own 84.4 percent of everything in the US, and the bottom 40 percent owns less than 1 percent; thats about as "fair and balanced" as FOX NEWS. And while were on the subject of Rupert Murdock; his networks here and in England that pretend to appeal to the working class with right wing uber-patriot rhetoric that directs them towards the right only to find themselves aligned to a party that in no-way reflects their standing in the US: ie, economically, socially, gender, race, fill in pretty much anything here and it applies except rich and white> And how do companies convince the public that thier views and those of corporations are the same; well with billions of dollars, think tanks, public relations, marketing, blah, blah, blah. Kale Lasn the author of the great book "Culture Jam" and also behind the mag adbusters has tried repeatedly to publish ads on local television stations only to have his ads rejected for corporate favoritism, go fuigure. You want to know the way to truly affect change in the US, first stop absorbing all corporate controlled media - and then take them over and give em back to the public the way it should be. Question: If the media is supposed to be the watchdog over the government then why aren't they doing thier job and have become entangled in a public - corporate - government three way orgy where the corporations, like stated before, are far more powerful than the poeple.

Questions for robots on saving the world: Happiness!

Here we are, living in un-arguably the most powerful country in the world and we should be of the happiest poeple on the planet - right; well actually we are the 23rd "happiest" people in the world with good old Denmark taking the first place in that category. One might ask what Denmark has that we don't: Well, for starters they have socialized health care so they don't have to worry about dying. Also they get six paid weeks of vacation a year and only put in 35 hour work weeks when not getting paid to vacation. As well, they don't have to worry that thier "bully" of a government is going to make them either political targets or victims of anomosity when they are abroad on thier six weeks of paid vacation. Oh yeah and also the poeple of Denmark make on average a higher percentage wage combined with a lower cost of living compared to US citizens. Also they have a true purportional representation government with no one party having ever controlled it since its inception; our capitalistic oligarchy hardly compares to that does it. Also since education directly relates to happiness a free education would be nice wouldn't it - yep Denmark has that also; you don't even have to join the military to get the money for college, wow! So what is the conclusion or moral of this loaded diatribe; well we should be happier, less sedated (wether by drugs or technological distraction), we should be taken care of; health wise, education wise, monetarily, and socially with a wide range of institutions designed to aid in the pursuit of happiness. Also it would be nice to feel confidence in our governemt, and the idea that the citizens it presides over is its first priority; not big buisness, not the economy, and not in pursuit of policing the world. We got a long way to go poeple and it isn't going to help by sitting around and bitching about it on a fucking blog, go fuigure>